pumpkin     I love Halloween-it’s short and “sweet” and doesn’t involve a ton of shopping. If I have learned anything in motherhood, though, it’s to go with the flow – that despite my best plans, I can’t control things. Despite finally finding my 9 year old daughter’s favorite costume this year (1950′s car hop:) and hoping to be so organized as to make 20+ of the little “pumpkin” fruit cups for her class that I saw on Pinterest…we spent Halloween a different way. My sweet daughter was feeling really bad so no school for her and no class party -instead a trip to the pediatrician. She perked up but by trick or treating time, she was exhausted and asleep on the couch. She woke up and said she wanted to try to get her costume on …..but she just didn’t feel like it. Poor baby. One of her sweet friends brought her a lot of her own trick or treating candy which made her happy the next day. It wasn’t the Halloween we expected but we were all home together and my daughter is on the mend.
I remembered the early baby days when I would get everything just set to walk out the door and ….you know what happens, spit up, wet diaper, or complete blow out. It would almost bring me to tears but after many times of realizing my best plans can’t “make” things go my way (especially when it comes to motherhood) it’s becomes even more clear that it’s just a continual process of letting go. I find it ironic that we spend so much of our early years and also teach our kids to “do your best” and “try harder” to impact an outcome in school, sports, etc. yet our adult years are often spent “trying harder” to let go and relax and not take the outcomes personally–despite our best efforts. I may have said it before but I found school and work to be infinitely easier than being a mommy although I wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world.
Well, I need to get started on planning Thanksgiving and Christmas……I’m sure everything will go just as planned (yea, right) Actually things will be better than perfect, everything will be Perfectly Imperfect which is just fine with me.


son with mom

….this is one of my favorites, enjoy & share:)

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking

When you thought I wasn’t looking
You hung my first painting on the refrigerator
And I wanted to paint another.

When you thought I wasn’t looking
You fed a stray cat
And I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking
You baked a birthday cake just for me
And I knew that little things were special things.

When you thought I wasn’t looking
You said a prayer
And I believed there was a God that I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn’t looking
You kissed me good-night
And I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn’t looking
I saw tears come from your eyes
And I learned that sometimes things hurt—
But that it’s alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking
You smiled
And it made me want to look that pretty too.

When you thought I wasn’t looking
You cared
And I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking—
I looked . . .
And wanted to say thanks
For all those things you did
When you thought I wasn’t looking.
–by Mary Rita Schilke Korzan


Family

There are a million things you do every single day to show your children you love them. You feed them, you make sure they have a coat on if it’s cold outside, you read them stories, and tuck them in at night. You do all these things and much more, day in and day out, to make sure your children are safe and secure. You do these things because you love your children more than you could ever express. Another way you can show your kids you love them is by creating an estate plan. Unfortunately, this is one thing that many parents leave undone because it’s a difficult subject to ponder. Who would take care of your kids and love them as much as you do if you weren’t here to do so? What can you do to make sure they are well provided for if the unexpected happens? Even if these questions are hard, they are worth pondering because creating an estate plan is one of the greatest gifts that you can give your children. By doing so, you are ensuring that they will be well loved and cared for no matter what. You are providing the best opportunity for them to thrive by making sure there will be no gaps in their care or uncertainty about your wishes for them. By creating a plan, you can eliminate unnecessary conflict in your family. If you don’t make the decision yourself, the choice of who will be the guardian of your kids and who will make financial decisions for them will be left up to a judge. The judge will try his/her best to make good decisions for your family, but the judge doesn’t know you or what you would have wanted. The judge will be overworked and has to make decisions based on the amount of information presented, which will not be all that much if you haven’t provided any indication of what you want in writing. You will become an even better parent by engaging in the process of making decisions for your kids care if something happens to you and getting clear on the values and beliefs you want to pass on to them. The best part is, even though you are planning for an event that will most likely occur a long-time in the future, it makes you a better parent immediately. When you clarify the way you want your children raised and the beliefs you want them to carry into the world, you naturally begin to be more conscious about your relationship with your children now. If you’re interested in getting started, please contact me today. I’m happy to answer any questions you have and will make the process far easier than you expect.

JulieCornellJulie Cornell is an estate planning attorney in Nashville, TN. You can find more information about her services at www.lawclg.com.


The following is a contribution from one of my local mommy friends ….. 

Busy Mom

Recently, I was sitting in a local Starbucks. A young college student came in and my heart went out to her.  As I sat with my latte and computer,  I heard her begin to describe her stress to the clerk specifically the huge academic load that she carries.   Her backpack is filled to the brim, weighing her down – leaving her physically and seemingly emotionally drained.  As she leaves with her drink to bring a sense of comfort (and/or a jolt of caffeine for studying) , it begs the question of 21st Century motherhood.   Should this young girl decide to have a family one day,  I wonder what the path will look like for her .  Will the stress from deadlines, expectations, and social demands simply transition from one stage of life to another?   The endless demand for perfection and performance complete with comparison and criticism don’t evaporate after college or one’s first job.   While relationships, marriage, and children don’t come with required readings, term papers,  or official grades, we definitely want to succeed in our family life as much or more as we did in our studies and at our jobs.  Yet, with commitment to “doing your best”, it’s often difficult to know when to try harder and when you’re already doing a darn good job.   Perfectionism can be paralyzing-especially at home.  What works in school and at work often backfires in our very homes.  Being really uptight about deadlines and grades works great in college-being uptight because your spouse forgot something or your child made a B in science may not go over as well and may well harm the relationships in the process.  Where does it end?
Perhaps the endless cycle ends now. Perhaps the time is now to put an end to the unrealistic demands we have of ourselves, our children, and others.  I know sometimes I ignore the 20 things I DID accomplish on my list and focus only on the thing I forgot to do.  ”How could I have forgotten that-argh!”  is something I have said to myself more times than I care to admit – yet I tell my daughter that no one is perfect.  Moms aren’t perfect and we put SO much pressure on ourselves to “get it right” whether it be remembering to sign up for a child’s sport on time or volunteering at school or trying to look happy and relaxed after a long day at work while helping your child with homework (and likely doing laundry or dinner simultaneously).   Don’t even get me started on Mommy Guilt.

Perhaps now is the time to finally embrace the fact that while we can do many things, we can’t do everything-at least not at the same time.  Perhaps now is a good time to encourage one another to utilize the gifts we have rather than criticize another’s faults. Perhaps now is the time to revel in the moment of doing good work in whatever situation we find ourselves.  Let’s put the Comparison Game on the playroom shelf for good. Perhaps now is the moment to breath a little easier because of the acceptance we find in ourselves.  It makes it much easier to then apply that same acceptance to others.  Yes, indeed.  There is no time like the present.

My favorite author, Brene Brown, PhD.,  has some wonderful advice on this topic.  Check out  The Gifts of Imperfection as well as The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting.

Have a perfectly imperfect day moms!


Have a great year moms!

Have a great year moms!